What The Body Can Hold

I learned that there was only so much trauma that the body can hold, store or take in and the car accident was the last drop in the bucket. As I was starting to gain some mobility again I was deconstructing religion and starting to question everything that I had been told my whole life. I had been doing all the things trying to follow the rules and life was still very hard for me and I never felt content or at peace or at ease. While I was in the process of healing from the car accident and deconstruction of religion, patriarchy and all of these systems in our world that keeps us from knowing ourselves our dreams our desires. I was also dating someone who I ended up marrying I got to get insurance for the first time. Which let me start to work with a therapist who helped me start to unravel the old stories and traumas that had had a deep hold on me for so long and we were able to do trauma work, inner child work, EMDR and plant medicine (psychedelics) to heal my complex PTSD. As I was healing, changing and evolving I started to recognize my desire to date a woman to be with a woman to lay with a woman and I brought this up to my husband and it was not welcomed. I didn't know how to set myself free and be honest and truthful about my need my wants and desires all of my attempts with my husband brought defensiveness and conflict. So I joined deep intensive immersive erotic somatic journey that allowed me to connect to my body thru my pleasure my sacredness my sensualness and as I found more of my self in this path, I chose more of me and asked my husband for a divorce.  I was starting to choose myself over anyone else for the first time in my life. Slowly with safety at my core I found my way back to me.